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"And?" Well, even if it turned out to be what broke us up," he dragged it out like he still had the hope he would never have to finish the thought, "at least I'd be sure you were safe. I might not have you, but you'd be safe."I'd been thinking about this all day; what I wanted to hear; what I wanted to say. I gave him a brief smile."I'm sorry, Jeff. I was completely wrong. Please forgive me."As I spoke that last phrase I moved forward, put my arms around him and buried my head in his chest. It was a sincere act of contrition and of love.I knew it was also manipulative. There was a greater chance that if I tossed a coin in the air it would never come down than that Jeff would not forgive me when I asked him this way.He held me. He caressed my shoulders, my neck, my hair.It made me feel wonderful.It made me feel terrible.It made me feel like I had to do more."Let's go to dinner, Dr. Goldberg. There's more I want to say."I didn't order a drink. I just asked for a glass of water.This. ?What are you doing?' I asked. ?Were going home. Like I was saying just a moment ago, this is just an excusefor the men to grope the women and I don't want any part of it.' We stoppedin the hallway. ?Don't be silly, Nobody is going to grope you. You just sit on a lap, that'sall. What's wrong with that for Christ's sake? Please don't get dressed.' ?I'm not going to argue about it, Derek. I don't like it. You said we couldleave if it was over the top and it is, so we're leaving and that's all thereis to it.' She had sour cream all over her face again. ?No it's not all there is to it. I don't agree that it's over the top. It'sjust a bit of harmless fun. We said we would stay and see what happened. Wesaid we'd play the games and if it progressed to fucking we would leave ifwe didn't want to join in. Well that hasn't happened yet. We're still onlyplaying games. Nobody has asked you to fuck in front of them and that's theonly thing you said you wouldn't do. I'm just getting into this.
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